When You Get What You Pray For

 James 3:17 "But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere."

Remember that Garth Brook's song "Unanswered Prayers"? Well, first do you even remember who Garth Brooks is? I guess I am getting old when I have to ask if you remember a singer. Anyway, the song was about a man walking with his wife who sees an old girlfriend and silently thanks God for the unanswered prayer of his youth when he begged God to let the first girl be the girl he would spend the rest of his life with. I would imagine we all have a moment, or moments, of unanswered prayer requests that we silently thank God for.

That being said...at the time of the prayer we are so sure that what we are asking for is God's will for us. We can not see life any other way than to have the love of that boy, the house of our dreams, the job we have planned for, the ________. It may even begin to look like we are going to get the answer to our prayer as events begin to line up in a way that seems promising. We may even begin to plan our life as if the answer has already come and it was a resounding yes. 

Last year was a year full of things I thought were answers to heartfelt prayers. I was almost giddy with expectation as the things I thought would make my life so perfect began to lay themselves out like stones on a walkway. It was as if the hopes and dreams and whispered prayers of all the years of brokenness had all started to merge together to form a beautiful display for everyone to see. The problem was that everyone else could see what was ahead and it was not pretty nor was it what God wanted for me. I, however, was blinded by my pursuit of the answer to what I thought was God's will for me.

Now, months later, after weeks and weeks of tears and pleas and relationships torn almost to the point of no repair, I find myself realizing that I got what I had prayed for. Exactly what I had prayed for. The only problem is that is was not the prayer that I wanted answered. It was the one I mouthed so that I would look good to everyone around me. It was the one that my pride said out loud while my heart was wishing otherwise. But it was the prayer that was the right prayer all along. 

For you see...I wanted the world to think I was good and kind and brave and fearless. But inside I was selfish and sinful and full of a desire to have what I thought I should have, what I thought was rightfully mine. Yet it was outside the will of God. I did not trust that He knew what was best for me. I did not understand that He knew what was coming in the weeks and months ahead. I did not know that if He had granted me my prayers, the effects on those around me would have been staggering and life altering. 

I sit in my office in the darkness as I can barely lift one foot in front of the other, sidelined by an infection that keeps me from being able to go outside in the sunlight. I have had to cancel every plan I made, costing sweetheart and I countless funds that would have been better spent somewhere else. Deposits we can not get back. Tickets that are non refundable. Promises made and then broken because I am unable to do more than sit and write and even then, some days it is a stretch. All because I refused to even think that God would not give me what I so desperately thought I needed. 

I am learning to listen instead of ask. To sit at His feet and let the Holy Spirit guide my thoughts, my plans, my dreams. It is hard. I am still stubborn and headstrong and strongwilled. I want and I plan and I scheme. But then I step back and remember that it is not about me. It is not my will. It is not what I want. It is about Him. It is His Will. It is what He wants. My prayers have become less about me and more about His desires for me. I am learning to trust and place my faith in Him. That He wants what is best for me and that one day, when He is ready and not one moment before, He will bless me in ways I am unable to even fathom or dream of. 

My Adonai, this season of sickness is difficult. My heart aches for things I no longer have, for moments I cannot get back. Yet I feel Your comforting arms around me and I know that You are here, waiting with me. I am grateful that You forgive the sins of your rebellious daughter. I lift my eyes to Heaven and feel Your love washing down over me. Let my prayers be of gratitude and of praise. Let my every thought be in line with Your desire for me. In the Holy Name of Christ Jesus, Amen

copyright©Michelle Welch, team member of Breath Of Life Women's Ministries
photography by Michelle Welch, all rights reserved
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

When The Rain Is Cold

"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Matthew 5:45

I don't know about you but there are times when I feel like I am being singled out for chaos. I fall short of my desire to trust God completely and begin to question why it seems like all the bad things happen to me. I whine and complain and generally make myself into a big pain in the behind. It can be quite embarrassing when I finally realize just what a tantrum I have been throwing.

Today this scripture struck me in a powerful way. Just because things happen to me that are bad in the context of my little world does not make them bad in the huge scheme of God's great plan. When the storms of life come (and boy has it been raining here lately) God expects me to understand that He has it all under control. Perhaps the rain that is pouring down upon me is the exact blessing that someone else needs. Perhaps the sun that blinds my sight is the light that someone else needs to see their way out of the darkness.

I sometimes make the excuse that I am a baby step christian who is just learning about the plan of Mercy and Grace. Today I realized that I have taken enough baby steps. It is time for me to step out with confidence, holding tight to His Word and trusting that He will not let me drown in the storms that have been whipping through my world. He promised He would be there. Deuteronomy 31:6 reminds me that I should face my storms and "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”.

My Adonai, I know that I have been here so many times before and said these same words over and over. Like my own children who run to me when they are hurt or afraid, I pour out my heart to You. I don't like this storm. I am frightened of the noise, the chaos, the hurt. But, because You are my Father and You love me more than anything, I place my trust in Your Hands. I do not doubt Your Love for me. I am weak but through You I am being made stronger. Please let me feel the warmth of Your Spirit when the cold of the storm rages. Let me feel the strength of Your Angels as they minister to me in my need and brokenness. Take my little bit of faith and expand it into more than I ever thought possible. I love You Father. Thank You for standing by my side. Thank You for leading me to back to You each time I start to wander. In the Name of Christ Jesus, Amen

copyright©Michelle Welch, team member of Breath Of Life Women's Ministries

photography by Michelle Welch, all rights reserved

scriptures from ESV and NLT Bibles 

Don't Look Back

Luke 7:50 "And He said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace."

From as far back as I can remember, I have struggled with self confidence.  My fear of being left out was solidified by my early days in school when I was last to be picked for sports teams, never invited to birthday parties, and always made fun of for my weight, my braces, and my glasses.  In the elementary school years, people were forced to invite me because my family was "important" in our small town.  The parents may have thought they were doing a good thing but let me assure you that their kids made sure I knew that they did not want me at their parties and events.  We started moving around when I was in my early teens, never staying in one place long enough for me to develop friends or confidence in who I was. 

I carried those feelings into my marriages where I tried to place my importance in the hands of my husbands.  (Yes, more than once) Of course, because no husband can fill the God shaped hole in a woman's heart, I failed miserably at marriage.  The mistakes and baggage piled up into a mountain I couldn't seem to climb over.  More than once, I sat in a church and felt the weight of judgement boring holes in my back.  Not too many years ago, in a woman's meeting in the religion I grew up in, when I stood up to answer a question, I heard someone say behind me that since I was a single mom, I had no business trying to offer my opinion on marriage. In that moment, for the briefest blink of time, I knew what hell would feel like.  

As I have moved through the years, ebbing and flowing with confidence or self pity, depending on the time frame, I have struggled to find peace.  This new, deeper study of the life of Christ is bringing me that elusive emotion.  Christ told the woman in Luke 7:50 , whom everyone knew was an example of what not to be, that her sins were forgiven her.  Then, more importantly, He told her to "go in peace". He didn't tell her to go and show everyone that she had been forgiven.  He didn't tell her that she should move away and start a new life somewhere else.  He didn't tell her that she should carry a sign that said she was a previous sinner.  He told her that her sins were forgiven.  Period.  End of her past.  Then He told her to go in peace.  Start from this day forward.  Walk with your head held high.  It doesn't matter what anyone says, what anyone remembers, what anyone does to try to point out your mistakes.  

The hardest part about becoming a new Christian is usually not the new people you meet.  It's the "old" people you know.  The ones who want to remind  you how bad you were.  The ones who want to judge you on your past.  The ones who take your self esteem and give it a good whack when all you really need is love and acceptance.  The ones who won't let you "go in peace".  I have learned that I can't look back at those who want to judge me for who I was.  I can only look forward to those who walk with me in Christ's love and look up at the One who forgave me ALL of my sins.  

Dearest Father,  You gave your life so that I might one day reside in Heaven with You.  You are the only source of acceptance that I should look to.  You are the only one who can fill my needs.  Let me always be part of the body of Christ.  Let me never dare to try to act in your place by judging someone.  You have called me to forgive everyone, every time, no matter what.  Let the words that flow from my mouth always be words that build up, never that tear down.  There is no one on this earth who is better than me.  Let me remember that as I go in peace from this day forward.  In the name of Your Holy Son, Christ Jesus, Amen

copyright©Michelle Welch, team member of Breath Of Life Women's Ministries

photography by Michelle Welch, all rights reserved

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
video Mercy Me from Youtube

A Simple Note

"So encourage each other and build each other up," 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I grew up in an age of letter writing. Shockingly, there was no such thing as texting, computers did not exist, and phone calls were only allowed briefly and never for long distance calls. I remember seeing my mother sitting at the table every day, penning a note to my grandmother. They talked on the phone only once a month as we lived in Georgia and they lived in California. There just was no room in the budget for costly phone calls (around $2 for 3 minutes in 1968)

The age of technology, the advent of word processors and even more recently, things like Microsoft Word, have made hand written letters an almost obsolete past time. Yet there is something uniquely satisfying about going to the mailbox and finding a letter handwritten and addressed to you. Especially if it’s not your birthday or mother’s day! Even more heartwarming is a letter from someone you thought you barely knew, affirming their care and concern for you.

Thankfully one of our middle daughters is teaching our grandson the importance of letter writing (and even more importantly thank you cards!). Each Sunday he, together with his little sister, sits down and writes a note to me. Of course he writes and she, at the ripe old age of one, happily splashes color all over the paper with her markers! But to go to the mailbox each week and find inside those little envelopes of happiness makes the miles between us melt away.

It occurred to me recently that while I was happily receiving those notes perhaps my grandson might like to find out how it feels to get notes in return. So I began taking a few moments each Sunday afternoon to write back to him. I bought a box of inexpensive age appropriate cards together with some cute stickers for the outside of the envelope. The message in my first card to him was how much I appreciated the time he took to write to me and how I stored the letters in my nightstand next to my bed. Imagine my delight when the next letter from him told me that he now stored my letters in his nightstand!

When we were at my sweet mother-in-loves house last Thanksgiving, she pulled out some letters that my sweetheart had written to her during his time in Iraq and other places overseas. She had kept them, tied with a ribbon, in a box in her closet. This brought tears to our eyes as we realized the incredible connection we feel when we hold in our hands the words a loved one has taken the time to put down on paper. It was such a blessing to see my sweethearts face when he realized those words he had written during a time of war had truly been a comfort to his mother.

While it is surely much easier to send a quick text or an email, it is so much more personal and meaningful to take the time to write a note or send a card. It tells the person receiving it that they matter to you. That time taken to put thoughts to paper is also a reminder of just how much you value your relationship with the other person. Many of us are geographically separated from our children and grandchildren. A handwritten note can make the miles slip away, especially for young children.

Dearest Father God, I thank You for my mother, who taught me that writing letters and thank you cards was a part of life I must not neglect. Thank You for those teachers who taught us how to put words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs and create a relationship with those far away through letters. I thank You for the opportunity to share Your Word with my grandchildren in the letters we send back and forth. Please help me to know who could use a letter of friendship or affirmation today. Bring their names to my heart. I pray these things in the Name of Christ Jesus, Amen

©Michelle Welch, team member of Breath Of Life Women's Ministries

photography by Michelle Welch, all rights reserved
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

In The Garden

 "Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden in the east, and there He placed the man He had made." Genesis 2:8

A few years ago, during one of my pitiful whining periods about being stuck in the city, my sweetheart built me a place of refuge in the backyard. A beautiful deck, surrounded by a profusion of beautiful flowers and shrubs, sits under a magnolia tree. Beside the deck is a koi pond, alive with ever changing movements of orange and white. In the yard are a myriad of bird feeders for a wide range of feathered friends, from tiny hummingbirds to huge pileated woodpeckers. It is a source of peace when I am restless and at odds with my present reality.

The deck has become a treasured place for family and friends as well. Many conversations have taken place while seated in those comfortable chairs. It seems to draw us outside to sit and wrap ourselves in a feeling of belonging. If I can’t find a family member who is home for a visit, I have only to look outside to find them seated beneath the shade of the tree, sitting with their thoughts and a cup of coffee. It is a safe place to share joy and sorrow, laughter and tears. Much writing has occurred at that old glass table.

This morning my thoughts were drawn to other gardens. One of God’s first creations was a garden. (Genesis 2:8) God placed man in the Garden of Eden and because man was lonely, He created woman to walk with him. Their first faltering steps came while walking the paths of a garden, surrounded by all of His creations. It was a place where God walked regularly with Adam and Eve. It was a place of incredible beauty (Genesis 2:9) where every creature was formed and named (Genesis 2:18-20).
The other garden I pondered was the Garden of Gethsemane where Christ prayed for the last time. It was where Christ often went with His disciples to pray and ponder. I have no doubt that He regularly sat at His Father’s feet there, gaining strength for the battles He was facing each day. It was the place He went to escape from the noise and chaos that constantly surrounded Him. But it was also the place where He was betrayed, sold for 30 pieces of silver, arrested and hauled off in chains. It was a place where tears flowed freely and hearts were broken.

So it is with my garden. It is a place where my dreams take shape, where I have captured thoughts and put them to paper. Yet it is also a place where racking sobs have been released as I fall upon my face to offer my heart to my loving Father in Heaven. I have grieved there, I have rejoiced there, I have been renewed there. There is no place where I feel closer to my Abba than when I am wrapped in His Peace while seated outside beneath His magnificent sky. I know that one day we will move and my garden will belong to someone else. And that is ok. A garden and its abundance are meant to be shared with others.

Do you have someone in your life that needs a garden? A place of peace and refuge from the world? Perhaps they have no space for a deck and flowers and a koi pond. There have been times in my life when I could barely sustain a potted plant, much less an entire array of things that needed to be tended. Yet having something to nurture would have been such a blessing. There are so many options. An African violet in a bright pot. A colorful Beta in a glass bowl. Even a hummingbird feeder that attaches to a window will bring light into a dreary life. (It’s perfectly ok to buy it for yourself if it’s you who needs the garden!)

Dearest Father God, thank You for creating gardens in our world. Thank You for showing us that we are allowed beauty in a world that seems so dark at times. When we are overwhelmed with our circumstance, remind us to take time to stop and come to our knees to meet with You in Your garden. Thank You for Your Mercy and Grace that makes our daily garden grow. In the Name of Christ Jesus we pray, Amen

©Michelle Welch, team member of Breath Of Life Women's Ministries
photography by Michelle Welch, all rights reserved
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Seasons Of Change

Proverbs 3:6 “Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.”

For a while I have struggled with the desire to find a different church. It is difficult at best to come to that conclusion. You wonder if it is you, is it the church, the pastor, the people? You second guess yourself, you ask God for His opinion, you ask your friends what they think. You struggle with the reasons why you feel the need for change. Are you hearing correctly? Changing churches is not a step to be taken lightly.

What I came to realize was that it was not what I was getting that made me restless. It was what I was not getting. I am a place in my life where I need more study of His Word. I am done with the feel good, life is wonderful type of message. My life is good. I am happy with my Christianity. I know that God loves me. What I want to understand is more about the Bible. I want to delve deeper into scripture. Taking it one chapter at a time, learning more about the totality of the writings and how it applies to my life. I wanted more than just an hour of someone's thoughts on how I can use one feel good scripture to be a better Christian.

In the big picture, each church I visited was the same in its overall message. Love the Lord, give unto others, pray always, repentance and renewal. Yet, even as I realized how much they were the same, I began to see the subtle differences. Sure I came away feeling good about God’s love. Sure I was greeted by smiling faces and joyful greeters. But where was the depth of Bible study? Where was the tweaking of my consciousness as entire scripture was read, not just the feel good part? Where was the opportunity to meet regularly with other believers to go deeper into His Word, to pray for others needs, to surround myself with people in my community?

I remember when I was growing up that church was a part of everyday life. We went to church on Sunday morning, again on Sunday night, and then again on Wednesday evening. There were church suppers, prayer meetings, mom’s day outs, women’s Bible study. Summer Bible school was less about entertainment and more about learning about Jesus. My mom knew that one phone call would get her all the help she needed for births, deaths, sickness, etc. The pastor knew his flock and they knew him. He shook their hands on the way out of church every single Sunday.

In the end I found what I was looking for. Or a better statement would be that God led me to where He wanted me to be. I placed it all in His Hands and asked Him to lead me to the church that was right for me during this season in my life. I have nothing against the church where I first met God. It is a good church full of Godly people. But for me, right now, in this season, it just was not feeding my desire to learn more about His Word. And so I step out in faith on this new journey at Church Project

Dearest Father God, I am humbled by Your Hand in my life. I know that when I place everything in Your Hands, You will show me the next step. Thank You for giving me the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me with whispers from You. I pray for increased learning of Your Word. There are so many people who are searching for You Father. Let me seek them out, let me cross their paths, let me show them all about how marvelous and wonderful You are. Let me be in Your Service every moment of my day. Thank You =for all that You have blessed me with. In the Name of Christ Jesus, Amen

©Michelle Welch, team member of Breath Of Life Women's Ministries

photography by Michelle Welch, all rights reserved

scripture from KJV Bible

Sick Days

Being sick is really tough on someone who spends a lot of time on the move. I am NOT a good patient, spending most of my time bounding up out of my chair where I am supposed to be confined. I detest weakness, becoming increasingly frustrated when I can’t move about in complete freedom. Sweetheart tries his hardest to keep me still but I am not very compliant.

In addition to my frustration at being confined, I am fuzzy headed from the medication which does not allow me to get much done. I feel like I am wasting so much time. I struggle against the bonds of my weakness, pushing myself to the point of exhaustion. I read and reread a paragraph, wrestling with comprehension, hating that my brain seems full of cotton candy. I end up in tears over the simplest of tasks when my desire is not enough to give me the strength to get something done.

I must say that I am not good at waiting. I am forever getting into trouble for rushing headlong into things. But this time it seems different. I physically can’t rush. I mentally can’t jump out into the stream. I am betrayed by my own body. And so my frustration mounts and my discouragement reaches new heights.

Today Psalm 27:14 spoke loudly to me. ”Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” My heart? What does that mean Lord? What is wrong with my heart? What do I need to learn from this? Why do I have to learn from this is a better question? I had just settled into a comfortable routine of writing and service and attending Bible study. I was doing what You asked me to do Father. Do we have to change it up again?

Yet since He created me, He knows my restless spirit. He knows what brings me to a place of peace. He gives me little glimpses of the future if I will just be patient. And so I sit. Perhaps I was rushing ahead again. Perhaps I was getting a little too caught up in the moment and I was missing some of the scenery. He sends His Spirit to whisper words of encouragement, to give me light where the darkness threatens. I am grateful for this time with Him. Grateful for a season when I can just sit with Him, even if it does not seem that way.

Dearest Adonai, thank You for good doctors. Thank You for a good husband who takes care of me and does not mind the snarky woman who has replaced his wife. Thank You for friends who bring me flowers and food and smiles. I am blessed Father God. Blessed beyond measure. You are so good to me. Let me use this time to learn more about Your Word and draw closer to You. I pray these things in the Name of Christ Jesus, Amen

©Michelle Welch, team member of Breath Of Life Women's Ministries

photography by Michelle Welch, all rights reserved

scripture from KJV Bible