2 Corinthians 4:8-9 “We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed. We are perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed.” KJV
There are just days when you want to get back into bed and pull the pillow over your head. From the moment the alarm clock blares that annoying sound into your ear to the cup of coffee you spill all over the inside of your truck (not that it happened to me) you just know that things are not going well. Your devotion time seems lacking, your prayers seem to be meaningless, your heart seems to be empty this morning. The demands of family weigh heavy on your mind. The work you have been called to do pulls you in too many directions. The needs of those around you seem to overwhelm your soul.
It is these days that make you cry out to your Abba. Days when prayer is best accomplished face down in complete humility mostly because you don’t have the energy to kneel. I used to think that these days were punishment for something I had done. Some unresolved sin. Something I needed to confess. I searched my heart and soul to figure out what I had done to bring this heaviness on me. I begged the Lord to help me out of my pit. Yet there seemed to be this overwhelming silence. I could feel myself sliding off the mountaintop towards the valley below. I felt frustrated by the fact that I was losing all the ground that I had gained.
Now I know that there are just going to be those days. Even Christ groaned in agony and felt all alone. But He knew who was out there in the darkness. I know that my Abba is close. I know that He can see me. I can see glimpses of Him through the swirling mist of despair. I struggle to reach Him. It seems that every time I am close, the darkness closes in again. But I can hear Him calling me. I know that if I just stand still and cry out, He will find me. Sometimes the darkness is so thick. But it is never to thick for Him. I have to keep telling myself that. It is why He has given us His words. So that we will be reminded that we are not alone. That He is always right there, even when we can’t see evidence of Him.
So when the day seemed never ending, when the lights in my life seem so very dim, and when I feel I feel far from Him, I need only remember that He can see me. He knows what I need. It does little good to light a candle in a bright sunny room. The candle does it’s best work when it is very very dark. I can stumble around in the darkness, hurting myself and spilling my coffee or I can sit very still, calling out to the Lord but remembering to stop talking once in a while so He can answer me. He will light the candle in my dark room. He is the light I need to see my way out. It may not happen right this minute or even today, but I can be assured that He will come and lead me out. And when I go out, carrying that candle that He gave me, I will light up the darkness in someone else’s life. Or, better yet, I will be a beacon on a hill for someone in a valley to follow as they struggle up the mountain. My Abba knows my darkness is only temporary. Let me be mindful of that fact as well.