Psalm 136:13 “Give thanks to him who parted the Red Sea. His faithful love endures forever.” NLT
I stand at the edge of the ocean. With my eyes closed, hundreds of miles from shore, I can feel the salt spray on my skin, hear the call of the birds, feel the sand beneath my toes. It is here that I am closest to my Abba. Where water and sky meet in a thin grey line, blurring the boundaries between heaven and earth. I have always come here to heal, to ponder, to pray, to pull the pieces of my heart back together. Now I stand beside an ocean in my mind. He has brought me here to learn to trust Him even more than ever before.
This time I have come unwillingly. I have come to swim. My family will tell you that I am terrified of the ocean. Once, long ago, I was slammed against the ocean floor while body surfing. I spent several days in the hospital, listening to doctors talk about paralysis and nerve damage. Being far from home, angels stepped forward to keep my children while my husband sat at my side. The fear of being unable to care for family and home was overwhelming. Eventually I healed and went home but I have never been swimming in the ocean since then. Yet here I stand, unwilling and afraid, toes in the water, begging my Abba not to make me.
Sweetheart sent me a text a few days ago. It read ” Diving into the cold water may bring a shock but you get used to it quickly. Wading in only gets your feet wet and allows time for retreat.” He is correct. I have been walking in and backing out for some time now. The fear of what is before me has brought me to my knees so much there is a permanent imprint in the sand. I feel like the disciples in the boat, begging the Lord. Matt. 8:25-26 “The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.” NLT
I feel a bit like those disciples. Calling out to my Abba, I am afraid that I will drown, afraid that I will slam into the bottom of the ocean once again. I have pleaded with Him to just let me wade around for a while. His resounding NO was not what my selfish heart desired to hear. Yet in His infinite wisdom, He has mercy on me. He parts the deep waters and is going to let me swim through the shallows to get to the other side. I am sure that i will try to stand up more than once on this journey . I am even more sure that I will stumble over some errant sea shell and probably cut my knee. More than anything in the world, I want to reach the other side and feel the sun on my face once again. For when I am swimming across this ocean floor, the walls of water around me seem to be blocking out the light.
The Lord is calming my wind and waves. He is going to bring me safely through this storm. I trust in Him. I trust in the people He has put into my life who are walking with me. I am not alone.