Being sick is really tough on someone who spends a lot of time on the move. I am NOT a good patient, spending most of my time bounding up out of my chair where I am supposed to be confined. I detest weakness, becoming increasingly frustrated when I can’t move about in complete freedom. Sweetheart tries his hardest to keep me still but I am not very compliant.
In addition to my frustration at being confined, I am fuzzy headed from the medication which does not allow me to get much done. I feel like I am wasting so much time. I struggle against the bonds of my weakness, pushing myself to the point of exhaustion. I read and reread a paragraph, wrestling with comprehension, hating that my brain seems full of cotton candy. I end up in tears over the simplest of tasks when my desire is not enough to give me the strength to get something done.
I must say that I am not good at waiting. I am forever getting into trouble for rushing headlong into things. But this time it seems different. I physically can’t rush. I mentally can’t jump out into the stream. I am betrayed by my own body. And so my frustration mounts and my discouragement reaches new heights.
Today Psalm 27:14 spoke loudly to me. ”Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” My heart? What does that mean Lord? What is wrong with my heart? What do I need to learn from this? Why do I have to learn from this is a better question? I had just settled into a comfortable routine of writing and service and attending Bible study. I was doing what You asked me to do Father. Do we have to change it up again?
Yet since He created me, He knows my restless spirit. He knows what brings me to a place of peace. He gives me little glimpses of the future if I will just be patient. And so I sit. Perhaps I was rushing ahead again. Perhaps I was getting a little too caught up in the moment and I was missing some of the scenery. He sends His Spirit to whisper words of encouragement, to give me light where the darkness threatens. I am grateful for this time with Him. Grateful for a season when I can just sit with Him, even if it does not seem that way.
Dearest Adonai, thank You for good doctors. Thank You for a good husband who takes care of me and does not mind the snarky woman who has replaced his wife. Thank You for friends who bring me flowers and food and smiles. I am blessed Father God. Blessed beyond measure. You are so good to me. Let me use this time to learn more about Your Word and draw closer to You. I pray these things in the Name of Christ Jesus, Amen