“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life”. Proverbs 31:10-12
On my long drive home (14 hours to be exact!) I had time to ponder many things. How many boxes will it take to pack up my 6 shelves of books? How much would I have to pay someone to rake all the leaves out of the yard so I don’t have to do it? Could I cut my Zumba classes back to one a week and still lose weight? You know….the deep stuff. ( I also had football games to listen to so it wasn’t all mental gymnastics)
I was a good mother/mother-in-law and resisted the temptation to call my son on his honeymoon. Truthfully I was seriously interested in the bed & breakfast sweetheart and I booked for them because we might want to stay there on our next trip. But I knew middle son would think I was a stalker if I rang them up to check on the comfort of the beds and the quality of the breakfast!!!
As I pondered what I wanted to write about for today’s blog, it occurred to me that perhaps I could write to my new daughter in law. I could share some of the things I have learned during my time as a married woman along with some wisdom acquired along the rocky roads I walked down. Some of my thoughts are pretty obvious but some may shake up the basket a bit. But I have never been known for not speaking my mind.
So here are my thoughts about what I wish I had known when I became a new wife and mother.
· Never ever ever EVER say anything disrespectful about your husband to anyone. EVER.
· Always remember that HE is now your best friend. Your confidant. Your go to person when you are scared or lonely or depressed.
· Be honest. ALWAYS. Never lie to him. For any reason.
· Never take your marital spats to your mother or father or sister or girlfriends. Seek council only from mature, married Godly women and never share details that would humiliate or embarrass your husband.
· If you are a stay at home wife and/or mother then it is your responsibility to make sure the house is clean, the laundry is done, the meals are cooked, the dog is fed, the bed is made. Yes it would be great if he helped and shared in the household chores but if he does not….do it with a smile and thank him for providing for your family in such a way that you can stay at home and take care of your household.
· He is not responsible for your happiness. Happiness does not come from the outside. It comes from within. Only YOU can make yourself happy. No one can make you unhappy unless you let them. It is your choice to be happy or unhappy. If you are not happy then find a good counselor or therapist and get the help only a professional can give. Ask God to show you what you need to change about yourself. Not what you want Him to change about your husband.
· Pray with your husband every morning and every night. The closer that you and your husband get to God, the closer you get to each other.
· Only have friends who are also married or hold your same values. Never seek council of any kind from a member of the opposite sex about the problems you may be having with your husband. Always seek help from a marriage counselor or clergy member.
· Never go to bed angry. Never walk out. Never get in the car when you are mad and “go for a drive”. If you are fighting every day and every night then go to marriage counseling. If he won’t go, then you still need to go. Marriage counseling is not bad.
· Go to bed when your husband goes to bed. Get up when he gets up. Fix him breakfast. Fix his lunch. Fold his clothes. Put them away.
· Date your husband. Every week. Even if it is just a walk down the street and back. Even if it is a peanut butter sandwich on the back porch with romantic music.
· You can’t change your husband. You loved him enough to marry him just the way he was. Remember that.
Dearest Father God, help these young wives as they grow in wisdom and grace. Let them turn to Your Word as they seek advice. Every good thing comes from You. Thank You for Your mercy that rains down upon us. In Christ we pray, Amen
“Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”